You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
COCAINE IS GR8
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
