The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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