What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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