I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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