I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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