I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
