the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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