The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
