census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
