why didn't you poke me back
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
