he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
