I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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