fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
