I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
