i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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