Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize