i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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