he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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