After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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