Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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