He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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