before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
there's paper in my vomit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
