Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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