I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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