The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am spending my child support on dildos
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
