I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
