a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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