I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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