hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
