I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
