im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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