Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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