Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
