woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
