he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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