Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
