This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
