Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
