If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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