come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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