I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
