well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize