Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
