I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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