if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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