i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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