I wish I could punch you in the face.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
