Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
