I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I show you my penis last night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
