My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
