If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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