i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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