Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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