Don't you send me to vm
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
