OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
