Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
