you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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