He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The power of my boobs compel you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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