I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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