Hey man sorry I got all grabby
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
