Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I touched a dick in church today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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