Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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