He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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