We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
