Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
