There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
