had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
