So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
