Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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